Monday, March 26, 2007
There is no reality; only perception.
I feel an obligation to voice this opinion: It is OK to be a strong female. In my opinion, it is preferred to be a strong female. By no means am I by any stretch of the imagination a feminsist. But as I get older, and the more experiences I obtain, I realize that this world might not be ready for a woman that is comfortable voicing her opinion. I've played sports. I've worked with men. We women have all the same opportunities--or so I thought. I'm about to graduate with highest honors from a great university (the best in my opinion). But no matter what I say, it will be taken differerently than the same sentence said by a man. Maybe this is the answer to my entire life. Maybe I need to just accept this as fact. But I refuse.
In high school, we all had fake confidence. By this, I mean everyone pretended to be cocky and comfortable with who they were. PRETENDED. We all took this in the worst way possible--especially us girls. We all thought the other was full of themself, but in reality, we had no confidence in ourselves and thought the person standing to our left was prettier, skinnier and more talented than we were. Note the 'we:' I am a prefect example of this. I was taken as an over-confident, self-absorbed girl that thought she was better than everyone else. But there is no reality; only perception. If anyone had asked, they would have found a self-concious, insecure little girl dying to have the affection and be accepted by others. I think I can extrapolate this outward; extending this to many other high school girls I knew and even know now.
This was in high school. I can proudly say that I have found myself, in most regards, in college. I no longer have this 'fake' confidence. I have a true confidence that I have acquired through good relationships, good conversations, good family and above all, good perceptions of myself. By no means does this mean I can enter a crowded room and be comfortable and think that all the whispers are not about me. I'm still neurotic- I probably always will be. But I am comfortable with who I am and who I have become. I know that not everyone is going to like me. I know not everyone is going to think I'm pretty or smart or in shape or talented. But I know that I think I am a good person who puts other people before me and wants the best for the group. If you think otherwise, you haven't talked to me; you have just judged me based on a perception. There is no reality; only perception. I no longer need to defend myself. I no longer need other's approval. I am who I am. Take it or leave it. I hope all women, whether 5 years old or 55 years old, can say the same.
In high school, we all had fake confidence. By this, I mean everyone pretended to be cocky and comfortable with who they were. PRETENDED. We all took this in the worst way possible--especially us girls. We all thought the other was full of themself, but in reality, we had no confidence in ourselves and thought the person standing to our left was prettier, skinnier and more talented than we were. Note the 'we:' I am a prefect example of this. I was taken as an over-confident, self-absorbed girl that thought she was better than everyone else. But there is no reality; only perception. If anyone had asked, they would have found a self-concious, insecure little girl dying to have the affection and be accepted by others. I think I can extrapolate this outward; extending this to many other high school girls I knew and even know now.
This was in high school. I can proudly say that I have found myself, in most regards, in college. I no longer have this 'fake' confidence. I have a true confidence that I have acquired through good relationships, good conversations, good family and above all, good perceptions of myself. By no means does this mean I can enter a crowded room and be comfortable and think that all the whispers are not about me. I'm still neurotic- I probably always will be. But I am comfortable with who I am and who I have become. I know that not everyone is going to like me. I know not everyone is going to think I'm pretty or smart or in shape or talented. But I know that I think I am a good person who puts other people before me and wants the best for the group. If you think otherwise, you haven't talked to me; you have just judged me based on a perception. There is no reality; only perception. I no longer need to defend myself. I no longer need other's approval. I am who I am. Take it or leave it. I hope all women, whether 5 years old or 55 years old, can say the same.
Sunday, February 4, 2007
Take a Second.
I believe, if you open your eyes wide enough, you can see why certain things take place. Call it karma, call it a sign from God, call it whatever your faith chooses- But for me, last week two events have told me to sit back and take a second.
The first I found out in an e-mail from my Mom entitled "sad news." My dad's only brother remarried a woman named Dianne when I was very young. Dianne had a daughter, Heidi, 29, from a previous marriage. At 1:30 a.m. Monday morning, Dianna and my uncle got a knock on their home door to find a state trooper. The trooper proceeded to ask them if they had a daughter named Heidi. Dianne nodded. She then found out that Heidi was hit by a car walking alongside the road and died. For some reason, she was close to the road, perhaps about to cross, was hit by a taxi driver's side mirror and thrown into the middle of the road where another car ran her over. While I had only met Heidi once, the event hit hard. Besides the obvious remorse for my aunt, I couldn't help but automatically think about how quickly life can change. My aunt just went to sleep after a normal day at work only to be awoken to life changing, devastating news.
The second situation hit even closer to home. My perfect boyfriend, Jason, and I take turns driving to see one another each weekend. It's not a bad drive; just over two hours mostly heading north on I-75. We've done this drive for almost two years now, as Jason graduated from UF and went to law school in St. Pete. Anyways, Jason headed to Gville Thursday night--the same night as the devastating tornados hit Central Florida. He was almost to Gville, where we were waiting for him to go bowling. The weather was awful; it was absolutely pouring and the roads were so slippery. Jason was going really slow and was in the middle lane. He didn't have any music on and he wasn't on the phone, but he hit a pocket of water or a pocket of wind and started hydroplaning uncontrollably. He said at this point he was OK but started getting really nervous and bracing for impact when his car starting going off the road sideways heading straight for the lining forest. He said the first thing that came to his mind was me. By the grace of God, he was fine and, not that it matters, his car was also fine. He happened to be driving behind a big group of cars, so he didn't side-swipe anyone, and he went off the road into a ditch full of water, stopping him right before he went into the forest. He sat there, in his car, took a deep breath and thanked God for his extreme luck. Then he called me, starting the conversation with "I'm fine, however..." I didn't know what to do and felt so helpless as he was trapped in the ditch for 2.5 hours waiting for a tow truck to come. My point is, this could have been the call to me that could have changed my life in a second. Instead of Jason calling me to tell me he was fine, a trooper could have been relaying devastating news to me, as they did to my aunt.
There are the anecdotes; here is my preeching. Stop, take a breath, take a second--realize how good we all have it. Life can change in a split second and man does it go by fast. Just yesterday I feel like I was moving into the dorms, and now in a couple of months I will graduate. Appreciate the little things people do for you that you would normally take advantage of--someone letting you out in traffic, someone rubbing your back, someone buying you dinner, someone opening the door for you. Make someone's day and sweat the small stuff-- Smile at passersby, tell someone you like their new shirt, do your roommate's dishes. Do something for yourself that you normally wouldn't take the time to do--paint your nails, make a healthy, home cooked meal, start a journal. I hope no one has to have these events that force them to slow down; just realize HOW GOOD WE HAVE IT.
The first I found out in an e-mail from my Mom entitled "sad news." My dad's only brother remarried a woman named Dianne when I was very young. Dianne had a daughter, Heidi, 29, from a previous marriage. At 1:30 a.m. Monday morning, Dianna and my uncle got a knock on their home door to find a state trooper. The trooper proceeded to ask them if they had a daughter named Heidi. Dianne nodded. She then found out that Heidi was hit by a car walking alongside the road and died. For some reason, she was close to the road, perhaps about to cross, was hit by a taxi driver's side mirror and thrown into the middle of the road where another car ran her over. While I had only met Heidi once, the event hit hard. Besides the obvious remorse for my aunt, I couldn't help but automatically think about how quickly life can change. My aunt just went to sleep after a normal day at work only to be awoken to life changing, devastating news.
The second situation hit even closer to home. My perfect boyfriend, Jason, and I take turns driving to see one another each weekend. It's not a bad drive; just over two hours mostly heading north on I-75. We've done this drive for almost two years now, as Jason graduated from UF and went to law school in St. Pete. Anyways, Jason headed to Gville Thursday night--the same night as the devastating tornados hit Central Florida. He was almost to Gville, where we were waiting for him to go bowling. The weather was awful; it was absolutely pouring and the roads were so slippery. Jason was going really slow and was in the middle lane. He didn't have any music on and he wasn't on the phone, but he hit a pocket of water or a pocket of wind and started hydroplaning uncontrollably. He said at this point he was OK but started getting really nervous and bracing for impact when his car starting going off the road sideways heading straight for the lining forest. He said the first thing that came to his mind was me. By the grace of God, he was fine and, not that it matters, his car was also fine. He happened to be driving behind a big group of cars, so he didn't side-swipe anyone, and he went off the road into a ditch full of water, stopping him right before he went into the forest. He sat there, in his car, took a deep breath and thanked God for his extreme luck. Then he called me, starting the conversation with "I'm fine, however..." I didn't know what to do and felt so helpless as he was trapped in the ditch for 2.5 hours waiting for a tow truck to come. My point is, this could have been the call to me that could have changed my life in a second. Instead of Jason calling me to tell me he was fine, a trooper could have been relaying devastating news to me, as they did to my aunt.
There are the anecdotes; here is my preeching. Stop, take a breath, take a second--realize how good we all have it. Life can change in a split second and man does it go by fast. Just yesterday I feel like I was moving into the dorms, and now in a couple of months I will graduate. Appreciate the little things people do for you that you would normally take advantage of--someone letting you out in traffic, someone rubbing your back, someone buying you dinner, someone opening the door for you. Make someone's day and sweat the small stuff-- Smile at passersby, tell someone you like their new shirt, do your roommate's dishes. Do something for yourself that you normally wouldn't take the time to do--paint your nails, make a healthy, home cooked meal, start a journal. I hope no one has to have these events that force them to slow down; just realize HOW GOOD WE HAVE IT.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Oh no... Not another blogger.
So this is my first blog, and I have to say that I never thought I would partake in this craze. I'm a journalism major, so I am all too aware of the internet's potential to kill traditional journalism. Online ethics haven't been set. Who is a journalist now? Is someone that "publishes" an article on a blog considered a journalist now, or do you need formal training at a certified university? What about libel- are the rules the same as print?
While I don't have the answer of where blogs fit into the big scheme of things, I now understand that writing on a blog can be very cathartic and therapeutic. Which leads me to my first rant...
I'm graduating! I can't believe how quickly the past four years flown by. It's definitely bitter sweet. On one hand, I had an amazing time here with amazing people. I understand that there is nothing in life like your time in college. On the other hand, I'm ready to move on. I have so much to look forward to thanks in large part to one particular, amazing man. I've always been the type that wants to be settled in a career and have my own family. I'm so excited about where I will be in a year, five years, 10 years...
I always thought I would be the type of person that had everything lined up by now, but I don't. I took the LSAT thinking I wanted to go to law school but came to the conclusion I was just doing it because I didn't know what else I would do. Law school is hard core, as I've observed through Jase, and it should not be a fall back. I really think my future lies in editing, whether it's newspaper, magazine or book publishing. I'm looking into a publishing institute in Denver for a month this summer. That might change tomorrow :) All I know for sure is I need to be around words. I love words and their innate power.
The only thing holding me back is a chance- I feel so prepared for the real world, but I need some great person or great company to give me a chance. I'm all about working my way up, but I want to be in the right situation. I'm capable, I'm willing and I'm excited. So hire me :)
While I don't have the answer of where blogs fit into the big scheme of things, I now understand that writing on a blog can be very cathartic and therapeutic. Which leads me to my first rant...
I'm graduating! I can't believe how quickly the past four years flown by. It's definitely bitter sweet. On one hand, I had an amazing time here with amazing people. I understand that there is nothing in life like your time in college. On the other hand, I'm ready to move on. I have so much to look forward to thanks in large part to one particular, amazing man. I've always been the type that wants to be settled in a career and have my own family. I'm so excited about where I will be in a year, five years, 10 years...
I always thought I would be the type of person that had everything lined up by now, but I don't. I took the LSAT thinking I wanted to go to law school but came to the conclusion I was just doing it because I didn't know what else I would do. Law school is hard core, as I've observed through Jase, and it should not be a fall back. I really think my future lies in editing, whether it's newspaper, magazine or book publishing. I'm looking into a publishing institute in Denver for a month this summer. That might change tomorrow :) All I know for sure is I need to be around words. I love words and their innate power.
The only thing holding me back is a chance- I feel so prepared for the real world, but I need some great person or great company to give me a chance. I'm all about working my way up, but I want to be in the right situation. I'm capable, I'm willing and I'm excited. So hire me :)
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